I am going crazy! Just spoke to the nicer nurse at the urologist and she couldn’t really help me today either as the doctor who was meant to look at my referral was at home yesterday, but she did manage to see that I have an appointment with a urotherapist the 5th of December, but it was unsure if we could remove the catheter before then so she told me to call the referral department and talk to them as I should have a say in the matter too. After all it is me it’s regarding, and my body! The referral departments telephone times are between 10-11am and unfortunately the call with the urologist center ended a minute to 11 so I threw myself back onto the phone to referrals but unfortunately they had already closed the line for the day. I’ll have to jump n the phone to them at 10 tomorrow morning instead and insist that we try to pull the lathered one day next week and see if I can wee on my own because I really can’t cope with this anymore! I am sooo close to pulling it out myself! It is unbelievably uncomfortable and I’m so scared that I’ve got a urinary infection! This morning the bad was red again and it feels uncomfortable and I feel like I need a wee but then only a little comes at a time, that’s not how it’s been before, it’s only started the last few days! Maybe if they took the bag on Monday after the two weeks that was planned then I wouldn’t be having this problem! I fel so upset! I don’t think I have any tears left in my body! I’m so angry and frustrated too, one minute I want to run down there and scream, shout and hit someone till they take me seriously and help me but then on the other hand I just want to curl up in a ball and cry in a corner. One part of me wants to go to the ward I was laid in and ask if they can remove is, do an ultrasound scan on my bladder and that I either come back to them later and check or just sit there a while and see…I’m so fed up! Just want to get rid of this shit and try to get some sort of life back! Stevie the stoma has been an angel and everyone involved with that part of my body have been so good and mice, but the catheter has been like hell! My body really has got an angel and devil on either side of it 😭But on a positive note, I went and got my blood tests done this morning so hopefully I’ll get some answered from that quickly. 

Now I’m gonna go and rest – exhausted after all this upset – so I’ll write some more this evening. 

By the way, I did start writing yesterday but fell asleep so I’ll carry on tonight or something..

Gud jag blir totalt galen! Pratade nyss med den trevligare sköterskan pĂ„ urologen, hon kunde tyvĂ€rr inte hjĂ€lpa mig jĂ€ttemycket just nu eftersom lĂ€karen som skulle kolla pĂ„ min remiss var hemma igĂ„r, men hon sĂ„g att jag har fĂ„tt en tid med uroterapeuten den 5:e december, men det var oklart om vi kunde dra katetern innan dess. SĂ„ hon sa till mig att ringa remissenheten och prata med dom eftersom jag ocksĂ„ ska fĂ„ sĂ€ga nĂ„got. Det Ă€r ju trots allt mig det handlar om och min kropp! Remissenheten har bara telefon tid 10-11 och tyvĂ€rr avslutades samtalet med urologen en minut i 11 och jag slĂ€ngde mig pĂ„ telefonen till remissenheten men tyvĂ€rr hade dom redan stĂ€ngt. Jag fĂ„r slĂ€nga mig pĂ„ telefonen till dom klockan 10 imorgon och insistera pĂ„ att vi försöker dra katetern en dag nĂ€sta vecka sĂ„ vi fĂ„r se om jag kan kissa för jag klarar verkligen inte av att ha den lĂ€ngre! Jag Ă€r sĂ„Ă„Ă„Ă„ nĂ€ra pĂ„ att dra ut den sjĂ€lv! Den Ă€r otroligt obekvĂ€m och jag Ă€r sĂ„ rĂ€dd att jag har fĂ„tt urinvĂ€gsinfektion! Imorse var det rött i pĂ„sen igen och det kĂ€nns ju obekvĂ€mt och jag kĂ€nner mig kissnödig men sĂ„ kommer bara lite Ă„t gĂ„ngen, men sĂ„ var det inte innan utan det har kommit dom senaste dagarna. Om don hade dragit den i mĂ„ndags vilket var dom tvĂ„ veckorna som va planerade sĂ„ kanske jag inte hade haft dessa problemen! Jag blir sĂ„ ledsen! Jag tror inte jag har nĂ„gra tĂ„rar kvar i kroppen! Jag blir arg och förbannad ocksĂ„, och ena minuten vill jag rusa ner och skrika och slĂ„ pĂ„ nĂ„gon tills dom tar mig pĂ„ alvar och hjĂ€lper mig men samtidigt vill jag bara rulla ihop i en boll och grĂ„ta i ett hörn. En del av mig har lust att gĂ„ till avdelningen jag lĂ„g pĂ„ och frĂ„ga om dom kan ta ut den och görs sĂ„nt ultraljud pĂ„ blĂ„san och att jag kommer tillbaka till dom eller sitter dĂ€r ett tag och ser… jag blir sĂ„ trött! Vill bli av med skiten och försöka fĂ„ tillbaka ett slags liv! Stevie stomin har varit en Ă€ngel och alla som Ă€r engagerad med den delen av mig Ă€r super snĂ€lla, men katetern har varit ett helvete! Min kropp har verkligen fĂ„tt en Ă€ngel och en djĂ€vel pĂ„ varsin sida 😭

Men pĂ„ en positiv not, jag var och lĂ€mnade blodprover imorse sĂ„ förhoppningsvis fĂ„r jag snabbt svar. Nu ska jag vila lite – helt utmattad efter allt detta upprörande skit – och sĂ„ skriver jag mer ikvĂ€ll.

Förresten sÄ började jag skriva igÄr men somnade sÄ skriver fÀrdigt ikvÀll eller nÄt..

One thought on “Upset, frustrated, angry, tiredness Grr!!

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