2 years and walking down memory lane

2 years later I’m visiting the hospital again. Luckily today was “only” for some iron as my iron levels were freakishly low, and I am so happy that there is an actually reason behind my tiredness and the feeling like shit. Walking into the ward to get my iron I saw one of my lovely nurses, Julia, who looked after me when I was laid on the ward 2 years ago. She recognised me and came over and gave me a big hug! I can’t believe she remembers me 2 years later, but I’m so happy I got to see her today of all days! I wanted to thank her again (and the others on the ward) for everything they did for me, and I am so happy I got to thank her now! Lovely, amazing, kind, gentle, caring and happy people like her mean the world when you are laid feeling awful and she will forever have a special place in my heart! 💞 My own nurse is lovely too and after connecting me up we sat and had a lovely little chat about life 😊 It was a funny experience getting the iron, even though it was room temperature it was colder than my temperature and I could feel it entering my arm, going up towards my shoulder and down into my chest. Amazing feeling really! Now it’s a case of waiting for a month (hoping I notice a difference but it can be so gradual that I most likely won’t) then blood test again to check that my levels are back to where they need to be 😊

It brought back feelings and memories walking around the hospital grounds. 2 years ago today I remember waking up and being so nervous. I had to have that horrible disinfecting shower and wait…wait for 8 o’clock to come. I remember how all the nurses on the ward gathered in my room, around my bed, to wait with me. It was just at the shift crossover so the day time nurses were about to start and the nighttime nurses were finishing, yet they all stuck around to see me off. It was one of the most lovely moments ever (however lovely a moment before an operation can be). Mum was running late, got stuck in traffic and I didn’t want to roll off without seeing her first, luckily the nurse who was there to take me away was sweet enough to wait for a little while. Eventually mum came running in just in time! I waved bye to all my lovely supportive nurses. After a week and a half I got to know them quite well, and they got to know me too, so it felt a bit sad leaving them, even more so as I knew I wouldn’t get to come back to that ward after surgery. As you know my surgery wasn’t planned, and I had only had 4 days to get my head around it..actually was it even 4 days? Oh I can’t remember, the days became a blur, either way off we went at 8 in the morning to go for emergency surgery. As I’ve said in previous posts I’d had a tough time. For about 2 months I’d struggled a lot with my flare, and ulcerous colitis was slowly taking me. I practically hadn’t eaten for all that time, it was physically a struggle to even try to swallow some soup as the pains kicked in as soon as my bowels started to move, I was practically living on the toilet and it was just blood coming out of me, I wasn’t sleeping and I was just slowly loosing myself in every way possible. After laying in hospital, trying god knows how many meds it finally became clear that emergency surgery was the only way to come out of the situation alive.
Yes I could be upset about how life turned out if I wanted to. My body has changed, my mind has changed, my heart has changed, my routines have changed. With so much change I could have become a completely different person, however I have just grown as me. Surgery saved my life, it gave me a different purpose, and a different outlook. I knew nothing about stomas before all this happened to me, and as you know I am doing as much as I can to help raise awareness and help teach other people about it as well as being there for others going through similar things. As you may know I’ve been quite active in the swedish organisation for people with stomas called Ilco, and I’ve even been a board member of the local organisation, as well as doing volunteer work on a phoneline for people with stomas, and actively sharing pictures on instagram and writing this blog, all of which I really enjoy. I’m hoping that I can carry on helping people one way or another.

This past week has been quite tough on me, I’ve had little reminders all week of where I was 2 years ago, and what state I was in. It’s been both positive and negative. I try to remember how beautiful life is, and how lucky I am to be here in this life, but sometimes life runs away with me and I get caught up in some kind of boring routine and just feel a bit down and upset. Even though this week has made me a little bit upset, it has also reminded me about everything that I know is important deep down and that I am happy for!
The 1st November will always be a special day to me. It will always be the day that I was asleep the longest for haha! I was rolled off from my lovely ward at 8 in the morning and didn’t get rolled into the next ward until 9 at night. I will always be grateful to all the lovely nurses that looked after me, the cute anaesthetists with beautiful eyes😍, the surgeon who did an amazing job when removing my colon leaving me with barely any scars and a great little stoma, the people who donate blood and helped make it possible for me to stand again, but most of all I will forever be grateful to my mum, my sister, Axel and my amazing friends who helped support me through it all. No matter what turns life takes, these people will always have a special place in my heart for helping me get through one of the most difficult times of my life. Hang on, hang on Charlotte, actually, I will also be forever grateful to Stevie, the little shit, for saving my life, for giving me my freedom back. The freedom to go out and not panik about finding a toilet as I enter the place, the freedom to eat again, and luckily enough the freedom to be able to eat anything I want to. The freedom to live my life.

This second year has given me so much, I’ve had the chance to see more of the world, eat more amazing foods and wines, been on spa days and the baths in Budapest, concerts, parties, one of my best friends stagdoos and weddings and best of all, I got to celebrate my 30th birthday in Italy! It’s amazing to think back at all the things I’ve been able to do, and it just gives me that extra lift in life reflecting on all these fantastic memories I have managed to make and will hold close to my heart!

So it’s with a very happy, sentimental, warm and light heart that I share this post today!

Happy 2 year birthday Stevie. Happy 2 year anniversary. Here’s to living life! 💞